Is this the answer???

Well the phone call came and went, she rang as promised but to give the update that no decision had yet been made as her manager wanted to speak with his manager and that they wouldn’t have time to do this until Tuesday morning. 

This was fine, we understand we aren’t the only couple, we understand this is a long process and we appreciate their hard work and efforts that go into ensuring waiting times are kept to a minimum.  After all we have been well informed and updated right from the off, they have also moved much more swiftly than we had anticipated.  All in all despite any small previous rants we are very pleased with their efficiency and efforts to not keep us waiting!

Second initial home visit

So our social worker came back, just as pleasant, just as positive.  She had wanted to clarify and gather more information on 3 areas; Smoking, Infertility and Our beloved pet.

Smoking – She wanted more in depth info on DH's past smoking habits and question why he gave up back in April, when he started initially, had he ever given up before, how long before relapse when he did, why he had the relapse.  Was this is only relapse.  Gosh it was endless, I know they have to protect the child/children but he has given up, not smoked since April, no relapses, went down the correct route of patches with the doctor so he had evidence etc.

Infertility – ok so this area made me feel like a raging bull slightly mad.  I would expect all social workers who are assessing couples for adoption to have some basic knowledge of causes for infertility.  After all the majority of adopters are people who can’t for whatever reasons conceive or carry their, own biological children.  So we went through it all again, she said that we didn’t seem overly bothered by it.  Actually we were very bothered by it, but have taken the approach that we can’t change this, these are our cards that have been dealt and that if we can’t have biological children together then it obviously isn’t meant to be, and that our calling as parents obviously isn’t going to be through biological methods.  To think we weren't bothered in that scenario was rather harsh i felt, we had dealt with infertility as a couple with our close family and we were here now to persue another route.  I understand they will delve much further into this during home study, so for this i am preparing myself that we will have to share in depth our feelings and reactions to our infertility as a couple!

Our beautiful staff/lab – well here is a story that beggers belief I will remember for years to come.  From the post of our initial home visit, we put our dog outside when we saw the social worker pull up mainly because she can get excited at seeing new people.  We had planned that once we were settled with a drink etc that she would come back in, however the social worker informed us that she is absolutely terrified of dogs and please could we keep her outside.  Much to our beloved dog's  upset/annoyance/frustration we did this, but needless to say as she isn’t used to being locked out she started acting up, jumping up at the door (which may I add the social worker included in her report) the occasional bark.  On her second visit she had to meet our staff/lab to be able to report on her obedience, breed, size, nature etc.   This was a task and a half as she is a very friendly dog and the social worker wanted her in the room but nowhere near her...  hhmmmmm how does this one work.  On her lead she came in.  We asked her to sit, lie down, paw etc to which, she obediently acted (but only because she knew I had a biscuit hidden in my hand).

So off she went with her new info to update her report, and so the waiting begins again, she left confident that we would be on Jan prep course at the latest, her words not ours!  She is going to try and call tomorrow with the answer.  To say their workload is so big, I was rather impressed with this and thanked her sincerely.

Call no. 2

The social worker called today at around 2pm.  She apologised for not being in touch sooner but her son was ill and she only came back in today, ok so maybe i was a little synical yesterday in thinking she was avoiding us.  It's amazing how the human brain starts churning thoughts when you want something to happen so badly.

She wouldn’t go into any detail on the phone regarding the problems, but was a little more reassuring than her manager; she said that there was nothing to worry about, just some further information required, and clarification on other matters.

Ok so I can now breathe again and even better to avoid us waiting and prolonging the agony any more she can fit us in for the second initial home visit next Thursday.  In my head, the little voices are screaming another week that's another whole week, but in reality I understand that they are understaffed and overworked, so a week is fantastic.  Surely this can only help me learn to be more patient for the rest of the process.

The countdown begins again; these little countdowns make it a bit easier.  We are taking this process step by step, instead of standing back and looking at the process as a whole or such a long period of time.

The call

Ok so it has been a week since our initial home visit and hey presto.... NOTHING a big fat nothing.  Yes I know I am impatient but our social worker DID say if we hadn’t heard within a week then a cheeky call to the office wouldn’t harm anyone and would only show how keen we are.

3pm and still nothing so I picked up the phone and made the call.  Apparently our report is with the assistant manager for review and he will give us a call later today with an update as he is currently in a meeting.

5pm, I have resigned myself to the fact that we are unlikely to hear today, so I carry on and take a trip to the supermarket to do a bit of shopping.  Of all the times to get the call I am stood on the fruit and vegetables aisle. 

The gentleman was very professional and there wasn’t much warmth about him in the call, it unnerved me somewhat and I fled the supermarket leaving my full shopping trolley and trolley token behind.

I sat in the car and listened to this guy in a daze.  I am hearing lots of negative things and can’t quite comprehend them.  Concerns, won’t discuss them now, another home visit required, report not adding up, Social worker will call this time next week when she is back in to arrange another visit.  God how can this be happening, she was so positive there would be no problems, that we were ideal candidates and that we would fly onto prep course.

Is this just a bad dream, a wind up...? It certainly doesn’t feel real.  The tears start rolling and the only thing I can do is ring my husband and share the news with him.

Ever the rock in my life he calm's me down and reassures me this is just going to be a case of either more info required or the report has been badly written and rushed.  So we are still sitting and waiting. 

NOTE TO SELF : Tear stained eyes in the supermarket car park is not a good look, so in future when expecting a call I think I shall remain in a more private area.

Initial home visit

Hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go, ive cleaned the house to within an inch of its life, even our adorable staff/lab dog was showered for the occassion.  The cakes, biscuits and drinks are all prepared; I hear social workers often need little sweetening up have a sweet tooth and like to be made to feel welcome.  I know there is no chance of me getting any work done this morning but I have to show willing if nothing else. 

We were stood nervously hiding behind the curtains, as she pulled up, We are reassuring each other that everything would be just fine, and with that, our beloved dog, was ushered outside, she is as good as gold until someone knocks on the door and then the bark is unleashed.  She is all bark and no bite luckily for us, and so loving and understanding with the children currently in her life.

It was quite an in depth conversation, but nothing too testing, nothing that we weren’t expecting, just a thorough conversation in getting to know us.

Topics:

-          Full names and date of births

-          How we met

-          When we met

-          How long we had been together

-          How we had decided on adoption

-          What was our ideal for adoption

-          Infertility testing dates and results

-          How we coped with infertility

-          How did we know our decision was right and final

-          What we understood of adoption

-          Were we smokers

-          The ins and outs of DH past smoking habits
-      Our wonderful staff/lab dog and all about her

-          Family relationships in brief

-          Support networks

-          Finances

-          How we planned on one of us taking 12 months off work

-          Our existing experiences with young children=

-          Health and safety in our home and finally

-          A tour of our house.

I think that was everything but I may have to add to this list as things come back to us.

Our social worker (who may I add was lovely) told us how impressed she was with our attitude towards everything and how refreshing it was to see some young adopters coming through who have chose adoption as a first option.  She was going to be off for 2 weeks but would ensure her report was written up before she left for the day and we would hopefully hear from her manager within a week of whether we are being invited to apply and go on prep course.  She added that there was a prep course in November and January.  And that she would recommend us to be placed on the soonest available course.

Ecstatic isn’t even close.  A happy dance around the living room as soon as she left and had driven out of sight was most definitely necessary.  Even my laid back husband was getting giddy, and shared a mad moment with me!  Anyone who knows him will know that he can't normally enjoy the excitement until he has something definite to celebrate.

Being impatient

I know I am being impatient but I hand delivered that progress form last Thursday surely they will have opened it by now and allocated someone for the initial visit, wouldn’t they... 

I fully understand how busy they are but i know how long this process is likely to be, just from research we have done and from info given to us on the information evening.  I only want the call to say the initial home visit has been diarised so I know that we are in the system so to speak.  Its a fine line between being keen and being a pain in the arse bum!  I am currently walking that fine line and thinking of ways to cross it already.

I pick up the phone and nervously make the call.  If I ring to ask the question... "How long it will be before we hear?", it won’t look like I am being impatient.  I will just say that I forgot to ask in the information evening how long it would be to hear from them regarding an initial home visit. 

It’s our lucky day... that morning we were allocated a social worker and even better she was in the office to speak with us and set a date.  Believe me this is lucky as I am told trying to get hold of a social worker is like trying to plait sawdust at times.  I am the not so patient one and I am sure i will be told this when i get home and inform DH that I made the call.

I KNOW IT'S A LONG PROCESS AND ONE IN WHICH I WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO BE MORE PATIENT!!!

Information evening

Tonight is the night of the official information evening and even though we have spent a lot of time talking to each other about what adoption means and how we feel we could offer a child/children a loving home; it’s one of the most nerve wracking times of my life, I can’t speak for my husband but I am confident he feels the same as well!

The girls in work ask if I am looking forward to it and I smile the biggest I can muster and say    “yes can’t wait”, i know this is the start for us but inside I am dreading the possibility of having to introduce myself at a welcome information evening; I am dreading the patience that I am told I must have for the long process that is ahead; and deep down all I crave is to not only be a loving mother but to provide a safe, caring and loving home for our family.

Well it’s pouring down, typically and as usual we are running.  The hubby is late arriving home from work – its 4:45pm and we have to be there for 6pm...  All new tram lines are being implemented near us to pee us drivers off increase public transport, it is all causing havoc with the traffic and I am convinced that we are going to be late as we have to fight through it all; and as ever I’m flapping.  As he comes in and I practically make him throw his tea down his throat, he runs upstairs to get changed and I am stood by the front door waiting (probably not so patiently).  As usual I have panicked over nothing and we are there 20 minutes early and met by two lovely social workers from our LA.  We were first there surprisingly and so sat down with a coffee to calm the bag of nerves that we both were.

During the night some of the couples mentioned how they already had children and I found myself wanting to say, get to the back of the queue we don’t have any – ha-ha – but they will have more experience in parenting than we will and I have read that this could make them priority as they would be more experienced to meet the needs of a more challenging child, or so the system assumes.

I was like a sponge wanting to take all the information in and retain it all, but I was also an emotional wreck, especially during the video they showed of other adopter’s stories.  I also realised this evening that I have a strong urge to adopt two but this is something we will have to discuss as at the moment we haven’t really discussed the possibility of taking more than one and this process has to be equally right for us both as much as the child.

We have the form in our hands and surprisingly its my husband who urges me to sign and we agree we will send it in tomorrow.   I have noticed that the office it goes to is just minutes from work so I will drop that off tomorrow lunch time when we have both signed it.  Hand delivered... just so I know it has arrived safely.

Its exciting times ahead, so watch this space

a little introduction

Well I have been keeping a little diary for some time now, and i am going to trasfer it into a blog and update it over the coming months and dare i say it years, to share with family, friends and any one out there thinking of adopting!

Im Nic and my better half Other half and I have been together for 4 years and married for 2 of those.  So in the grand scheme of things not that long, but long enough to know we love each other like crazy and desperately want to start a family together.

Im 27 (just) and my darling husband is 31, not that young really to start a nice little perfect family, but as i have discovered so far we are considered rather young to be doing so by unconventional methods (Adoption).

We are both happy go lucky people who enjoy drinking socialising with our group of amazing friends.  This is pretty much where our joint interests start and finish, but i think this gives us our indivduality.  I love ice-skating, reading, holidaying in the sun and being creative.  He loves anything PS3 or film related and holidaying in the shade.  I am an avid Blue when it comes to football and well he is a dirty red.  He loves Grand prix and I pretend to like it for him. 

As most couples do we have the odd blazing row little disagreement but the last 12 months have taught us that despite our differences we are stronger than ever and will remain so in the future, learning to jump through the hoops together and climb the brick walls one brick at a time, but again together.