Chasing paperwork

If there is one thing I have learnt from this process so far, is that Local Authorities are under staffed and that their social workers are over worked.  So it is not surprising that from time to time things get overlooked.

This small fact however true it is does not stop impatient people like myself getting a little pee'd off irate from time to time. 

We received our prep course dates on 13th December following a small email from myself expressing my concern that DH would need some notice in order to book annual leave.  The reply was great, that the course had been set for 2 days at the end of feb and 2 days at the beginning of march.  We would receive our application form 6 weeks before prep and needed to complete it asap.

Needless to say no paperwork arrived, no confirmation of the prep course, no application form and no consent forms that we were advised we would receive.  With only 5 weeks until prep course I was on a mission to chase these up.  The manager apologised prefusely and advised they were extremely business and had a few staff off sick.  She hand delivered them to us that evening and we set about completing everything.

Once we had completed the long and time consuming application form we arranged a meeting at the local offices to deliver everything back and take all copy documentation in as requested.

For those that may be reading this looking for an insight into the process the application form asked the following - however I do believe that the application forms vary from agency to agency and also the timing on when they are sent is also different.


Current name
Previous names
DOB
Address history
Contact numbers
Doctors
Education history
Employment history
Chronolgy of personal life events
Referee's names adddress and contact numbers
Criminal record (incl driving offences)
Incomings and outgoings, budget sheet

I am sure there was more so I will look back and check the photocopy I have taken so I can add to this to make it as full and complete as possible.

So everything was now in place and we could look forward to prep course.

making use of the waiting

Well over the last few weeks/months we have been getting in plenty of research and I have been very fortunate in finding a wonderful private day care nursery placement to gain some additional experience.  Being self employed I had every Tuesday free and every other Monday.  My best friend manages their family businesses (private day care nurserys for 0-4 year olds)

After 2 voluntary sessions I was in love with the work, the other staff and the children at the nursery.  It was very hard work - so hats off to any nursery nurses out there whose jobs are made out to be easy playing with a babies to keep them entertained.

Whilst I am on the subject of being self employed, i have to say i think that it is outrageous that WE AREN'T ENTITLED TO ADOPTION PAY!  I have heard there are talks of this changing and all i will say is its about time, although it is highly unlikely to come in for when we adopt.

We have joined adoption UK (we did this before the info evening) and have also subscribed to be my parent, to give us a wider understanding of the types of children that are waiting to be adopted. 

I have actively posted in adoption UK for advice and also have posted replies to other people on the site.  It is a great source of support and is so lovely to hear people’s stories.  It is also sad to hear from those not having such good experiences but brings home the reality of adopting a child whose needs you can only do your best to meet.

I have read related by adoption and the hubby is currently working his way through it.  I have started this blog as I was truly inspired by Gem whose blog is “life with Katie – our adoption story”.  If I can inspire or help just one person with this blog the way she has with me then it will be well worth it and on top of that, this will be something for our little ones to look back on in years to come to see firsthand how much they were longed for and had a place in our hearts before they were matched.

Well I am over and out now as I have a couple of clients coming to see me – I am making them all aware of their need to become more organised, yeah right - like that is ever going to happen!

Is it a mistake???

OK  so after my last post the happy dancing has stopped and the stark realisation that this could have been a mistake is starting to sink in. 

I was still pinching myself about Saturday’s letter and can’t quite believe it.  How can it go from you won’t hear from us again now but if you still feel the same in Jan get in touch and we can redo the initial home assessment and take it from there, to you are on the Feb/mar prep course, dates to be confirmed.

I can’t help myself I have to ring them and check that this isn’t a mistake.  Both the social worker and the manager are not available, without sounding cynical, surprise surprise its a Monday and rumour has it most of the social workers at our LA either don’t work Mondays or work from home on a Monday (our social worker told us this).  However there was a lady who deals with the prep course referrals who confirmed this was not a mistake and that she had been passed our names by the manager and asked to allocate us to the next available prep course.  As both November and January are full we are going to be on the Feb/mar one.

Whooohoooo – another happy dance moment!!!  They seem to be frequent at the moment, here is to hoping they continue regularly...

Shock news

Well today has been action packed and fun.  Whacky ware house with my nephew, trusted friend and her two little boys (who are adopted and from whom I have learnt a lot)  It is always a long drive back as where she lives there is one way in and one way out and its always bad with traffic, all day every day.

I got home and the house was silent, we were out in the evening so I knew that the other half had gone for his traditional power nap (I’ve told him to make the most of these as he won’t get a moments peace when there are little ones around).  I wondered into the living room and there staring up at me was a letter from our LA. 

 

I picked it up resigning myself that it was confirmation of their telephone conversation that we weren’t being invited to apply at this stage, however it was not a letter I was expecting as we were told they would not contact us again at all and it was up to us to contact them in January should we wish to be reconsidered.  As I read the words I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Your initial home assessment has now been completed and following our assessment of the report submitted we have passed your names forward to be assigned to the Feb/mar prep course.  Our dates of these courses are yet to be confirmed but as soon as we have confirmed them we will write to you again.

Six weeks before the prep course we will send out to you consent forms, application forms, ID request forms and CRB check forms.  It is vital that you complete these and return them as soon as possible in order for us to be able to process all of your information.”

I rang up stairs jumped on the bed (waking DH up, i should add) and asked why the hell he hadn’t rung me to tell me this vital letter had arrived.  He eventually came around and explained he hadn’t really read it as he thought it would be confirmation of the phone call as I had initially thought. The happy dance commenced around the bedroom.  This isn’t really a dance as such just a crazy few minutes of jumping up and down squealing like school children.

Reactions

We spoke last night at length and my darling husband was all guns blazing, regarding a complaints procedure, he was furious that the social worker who appeared to be listening and writing hadn’t clarified the information she held, that she hadn’t spoke up and admitted she didn’t understand what we were saying and that she then reported it wrongly to her manager.

A very long and hard persuasion was now my task in hand.  I had spoken with a very good friend who is a foster carer and adoptive parent and she advised a complaint would most definitely only cause us future problems should we stay with this LA.

I know my husband well and telling him he is wrong is not always the best way to go about calming him down, so I relayed all of what I had been told by posters on Adoption UK and my friend to him and suggested that maybe if he called with them to discuss this calmly, then they may reconsider their decision.

The manager was again very adamant that we should go away and carry on considering our options and come back in January.  One thing we had decided however is that even with this small set back we were not going to jump ship to another LA or VA.  Simply because we feel it is more about dealing with the issue head on facing it and telling it you won’t back down, that it won’t beat you. 

So here we are still standing strong and waiting, this will surely show them our determination and united front of our decisions.

The call we have been waiting for

So the manager we spoke to the first time that filled me with dread called today.  His words were...

  “I am just calling to say sorry about the wait you have had, it has been very busy recently with staff absence and heavy workloads.  Unfortunately at this time we are unable to invite you to proceed.  We don’t feel that you have had a long enough period of time to accept, deal with and decide that this is the definate route you are wanting to take.  We need to be sure that in 12 months time you dont as a couple decide to take the operation that was offered in order to correct problems which would allow you to go on to have children naturally.

Now no further details will be given on infertility in this blog to protect our privacy as a couple.  We have only told parents the real reason for the infertility and are still gob-smacked that people can even ask who the problem is...

Stunned/shocked/horrified.  I understand social workers are busy, I understand they are the professionals and know best based on past experiences... BUT and it is a big fat BUT.  What he was telling me/using as their reason was quite simply wrong.  I took a deep breath and composed myself before speaking.  I had to calmly explain that I wasn’t sure if there had been a miss-understanding but the infertility process he just explained was not correct in any way shape or form.

I explained what we had been told, and went through the infertility results and the options that had been laid out to us as a couple.  Unfortunately there were little options for us in having biological children and one thing we were both clear on as a couple is that IVF was not for us, we didn’t see it as natural and didn’t want to undergo this full stop.  Aside from the fact that IVF may not have even been an option given our circumstances.

Before this bit upsets anyone it is important to add that our decision that IVF wasnt natural is our view for ourselves only and I should add that I have a lot of admiration for any couple that go through this and for whom it works.  We believe very strongly that this is something that each couple must decide between them and we wish anyone who takes the IVF route every luck in the world.

Biology for us was probably more important for my husband.  Dont get me wrong i would have loved to have birth children but when we sat down and discussed this on numerous occassions it came back to us wanting to be parents first and foremost above anything else.  Sacrificing biology to parent a child who needed love and a home as much as wanted to provide that was the decision we made.

The silence that followed what i had just said was that of a stunned man.  His silence and his comments to follow were screaming out “our decision has been made on having incorrect information” but let’s face it the chances of us getting an admission of this were slim.  He told me that their decision had been made and that if we waited until January and re-contacted them, they would assess our situation again with a view to accepting us at this time.  He also added that if my husband wanted to call them tomorrow to discuss this decision then he would also explain to him.

Well where do you go from here...