The call we have been waiting for

So the manager we spoke to the first time that filled me with dread called today.  His words were...

  “I am just calling to say sorry about the wait you have had, it has been very busy recently with staff absence and heavy workloads.  Unfortunately at this time we are unable to invite you to proceed.  We don’t feel that you have had a long enough period of time to accept, deal with and decide that this is the definate route you are wanting to take.  We need to be sure that in 12 months time you dont as a couple decide to take the operation that was offered in order to correct problems which would allow you to go on to have children naturally.

Now no further details will be given on infertility in this blog to protect our privacy as a couple.  We have only told parents the real reason for the infertility and are still gob-smacked that people can even ask who the problem is...

Stunned/shocked/horrified.  I understand social workers are busy, I understand they are the professionals and know best based on past experiences... BUT and it is a big fat BUT.  What he was telling me/using as their reason was quite simply wrong.  I took a deep breath and composed myself before speaking.  I had to calmly explain that I wasn’t sure if there had been a miss-understanding but the infertility process he just explained was not correct in any way shape or form.

I explained what we had been told, and went through the infertility results and the options that had been laid out to us as a couple.  Unfortunately there were little options for us in having biological children and one thing we were both clear on as a couple is that IVF was not for us, we didn’t see it as natural and didn’t want to undergo this full stop.  Aside from the fact that IVF may not have even been an option given our circumstances.

Before this bit upsets anyone it is important to add that our decision that IVF wasnt natural is our view for ourselves only and I should add that I have a lot of admiration for any couple that go through this and for whom it works.  We believe very strongly that this is something that each couple must decide between them and we wish anyone who takes the IVF route every luck in the world.

Biology for us was probably more important for my husband.  Dont get me wrong i would have loved to have birth children but when we sat down and discussed this on numerous occassions it came back to us wanting to be parents first and foremost above anything else.  Sacrificing biology to parent a child who needed love and a home as much as wanted to provide that was the decision we made.

The silence that followed what i had just said was that of a stunned man.  His silence and his comments to follow were screaming out “our decision has been made on having incorrect information” but let’s face it the chances of us getting an admission of this were slim.  He told me that their decision had been made and that if we waited until January and re-contacted them, they would assess our situation again with a view to accepting us at this time.  He also added that if my husband wanted to call them tomorrow to discuss this decision then he would also explain to him.

Well where do you go from here...